These are indeed the times that try men’s souls. The coronavirus has altered the landscape and we can only hope it’s not a long term thing. As for my situation I’ve determined to be careful. After all, I’m in the double risk category. Over 65 and immune-suppressed (medicine for kidney transplant), thus, I must take the necessary steps to stay safe and sound. Plus, my wife and daughters have already said they would kill me if I do stupid stuff. I’d rather have corona than have that crew of females ganged up on me.
There stirs a thought in my tiny brain cavity that tells me to take a breath, take proper precautions and take some time to poke fun at myself. Being panicked or morose serves no useful purpose but perhaps taking time to laugh a little will mitigate the situation temporarily.
First of all, some thoughts on hermitage; this is one of the surefire ways to avoid getting sick. I should note that it’s easy to be a hermit in Buckhead (population 171). The official name for it is social distancing, a term which I’d never heard before, but is currently making the rounds on news media. I’m going to practice hermitage until I can’t stand it anymore, but if the sun comes out I’ll likely show up at the golf course with a few other guys who have also been practicing hermitage. We will eschew handshakes and continue applying hand sanitizer while we navigate the course and make fun of each other’s golf game. Afterward, we will return to our homes to continue the lonely existence of a hermit where we socially distance ourselves from others and find ways to pass the time. That likely means firing up the weed-eater, putting out fertilizer or other mundane chores in the yard. The life of a hermit is a sad existence.
Next, we should have a serious discussion about the toilet paper phenomenon. Right before I became a hermit I went to the local grocery store and various retail outlets for my normal shopping rounds. It was there that I discovered a spectacle beyond the scope of my imagination. Every roll of toilet paper was gone from the shelves. Every one. Not a single roll in town that could be found. Now I fully understand being prepared but this just was strange. There were plenty of T-bone steaks, lots of choices of cereal and entire rows of canned goods. There were flashlights, batteries, cases of water and all manner of survival goods but no toilet paper. I must be missing some key factors here. Someone please email me with any possible explanation.
Lastly, I should note that being a hermit necessarily requires a lot of TV time but unfortunately, my favorite thing to watch is sports. Of course, all of that is gone for now. One of my favorite things to watch is March Madness which, for the non-sports fans, is the NCAA basketball tournament. Corona has turned that into March Sadness and otherwise obliterated all my favorite TV entertainment including Braves baseball and PGA golf tournaments. I’m sure the guys at ESPN are going nuts trying to figure out what to offer on their flagship program “SportsCenter” and endeavoring to keep it from becoming an oxymoron. Meanwhile, I’m relegated to watching re-runs of “Little House on the Prairie” and hoping to avoid having to sink my teeth into some dynamic and thoroughly dramatic daytime soap operas.
To sum things up let’s just say that things are a mess. Hopefully, we can all work together and do our part to get through this. Hopefully, the government and our health system can work in concert to end the threat. Hopefully, soon, we can look back on this and breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, hopefully, we won’t have to be hermits much longer and that TV sports can return to normal.
In the meantime, y’all stay safe, stay positive, think good thoughts and for goodness sake go easy on the toilet paper.
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