“Couples Retreat”

Rated PG-13 on appeal for sexual content and language.

“Couples Retreat” is a sex comedy, except there is little sex and virtually no comedy. The film can’t decide if it is romantic or satiric. It isn’t sensitive enough to be romantic and acidic enough to be satiric. It is, in a word, lame. And that is a shame since “Couples Retreat” is jammed packed with talent potential. Quality talent does not necessarily a funny film make.

Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau wrote the script and star in the movie. Jason Bateman is also in the film but I am fairly sure it will not be mentioned in his obituary unless it is listed as his greatest regret. Peter Billingsley directed the film but I am sure this film will not overshadow his contribution to “The Christmas Story.”

Four couples go to a resort somewhere in the South Pacific. One couple is in crisis because they can’t conceive. They convince the three “couple friends” to go in on a group deal to a resort that specializes on marriage experiences. The other couples are not interested in the marriage encounters but the snorkeling, massages, and jet skis sound appealing. When they get there, it is more of a New Age, touchy-feely nightmare than a paradise.

The clichés are abundant; and the jokes elicit only mild, meager and anemic chuckles. And there are the stereotypes: there is the Spanish hunk who tempts the women; a Frenchman (Jean Reno) who is the pseudo Ying-Yang resort master who speaks in pseudo-therapeutic clap trap. And then there are goofy therapists and a very heavy black man who plays…a funny fat black guy. Irony: you got to love it…or miss it as in the case with this film.

The jokes seem to be premature — and by that I mean half-baked. It is a pity that Vaughn and Favreau didn’t let the screenplay simmer a bit longer in the ol’ creative oven.

The film is not devoid of entertainment; the little blonde kid (Colin Baiocchi), who plays the son of Vince Vaughn, is a real corker. And the bit with the yoga master (Carlos Ponce) is not overly dull.

What is good is not very good and what is bad is very, very bad. I really thought the male organ jokes were on a ninth grade level. And to use another analogy: erectile jokes should never be flaccid. Sorry, but sub-standard comedy breeds sub-standard puns.

But don’t waste your time unless you are desperate for a date movie, under 25, and quality comedy deficient.

“Couples Retreat” gets two bow ties out of five.