I am now officially a librarian without a library. For a while I honestly didn't think that it would ever be quite like this. Sure, like many, from time to time I thought of moving on. There were many days and even weeks where I was unhappy in my job but I'd never reached my breaking point. When I did, a month ago, there was a rush of relief, anxiety and everything that comes along with change. I was displaced.
When it's time to move forward, it's time. Despite earning a Masters in Library and Information Studies, one of two Masters degrees I hold, and having devoted myself to that career for well over a decade, I had become despondent. I was going through the motions but the joy was gone. I'd worked in library administration for over seven years and while I took a great deal of pride in what I did, it never felt truly like I would remain there forever. There are things and phases of one's life that, although they seem permanent, are only meant to last a season. My season of libraries are likely over. However, I'm smart enough not to say that I'll never go back to them. Twelve years is a long time and the skills that I developed and honed while working there won't be relegated to a shelf to accumulate dust.
I'd forgotten what it was like to truly rest. To know that I wasn't responsible for anyone but myself was liberating. When I finished my last day on the job I felt a euphoria I've never felt before. Prior to that I was anxious. I could see the end in sight but was filled with both procrastination and nervousness. There was a part of me that was fearful that I wouldn't know what to do once it was over. I'd done the same thing for so long that I just couldn't fully see past the job. The date was set and my responsibilities outlined but it felt a bit outside of my grasp. I knew that nothing I did would change the inevitability of it all. And even though I was ready to move on, my body and parts of my mind just couldn't let it go.