The Union Recorder


May 3, 2014

ROWLAND: I promise not to make it any worse than it already is

MILLEDGEVILLE — Well, I sat by the phone … and I sat by the phone … and I sat by the phone.  Nothing happened.  Just so you know, I have faced many disappointments in this world, but this one really hurts.

In case you missed it, last week I contemplated sending a classified ad to the Washington, D.C. area newspapers proclaiming my desire to head the Internal Revenue Service.  Given the most recent news reports of malfeasance, I figure I am at least as good as whoever is in charge now.

But no one called.

To be completely truthful, a quality that seems to be in short supply at the IRS, I never sent the ad to the D.C. press.  Look, I’m a busy guy!

Consider this.  Mama is in Virginia playing Grandma.  I’d like to be angry, but instead I am envious.  I miss the Little Guy so much.

So, with Grandma out of town, I have to take Otis for his morning ritual.  That is usually her job.  Then I have to work, clean house, wash clothes, make supper, clean the kitchen … oh, get in my Wednesday afternoon golf game, then there is Beer of the Month night at the local tavern … I’m tellin ya, I’m slammed.

Long story to say I never got around to corresponding with the Washington Post.  That may better explain the phone call that never came.

Of course, to my way of thinking, I was in a win-win situation.  I have a good job; so uprooting my family for the D.C. scene would have been a hardship.  On the other hand, I have family in the area and working on Capitol Hill would have been a pretty cool gig.

Actually, I am not exactly sure where the offices of the IRS are located.  I did a trusty Google search, and I must admit they do have a nifty website.  

In fact, you can read IRS information in Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Russian and Vietnamese.  I checked out the link to careers at the IRS, too.  No job posting for director - or whatever title is affixed to that position.  

That may further explain why my phone didn’t ring.

I never did actually discover where the home office is located. I did discover that the IRS was created in 1862.  In fact, during all of those years, there have been 48 commissioners and 26 acting commissioners, which, by the way, is the actual title of the dude who calls the shots.  

Which leads me to a puzzling thought:  How does one “act” as the IRS commissioner? I have some thoughts that I am willing to explore, but my phone never rings.

Just so you know, the very first commissioner of the IRS was George S. Boutwell.  He served about seven months before Joseph J. Lewis from Pennsylvania became the first “acting” commissioner.  

Apparently, he acted pretty well because somebody made him the full-blooded commissioner in March 1863.  I did a little Google search of Old Joe, and there wasn’t much out there.

I did discover, however, that according to Wikipedia the commissioner’s duties include administering, managing, conducting, directing and supervising “the execution and application of the internal revenue laws or related statutes and tax conventions to which the United States is a party” and advising the President on the appointment and removal of a chief counsel of the IRS.

I swear I think I can do that! Just give me a shot.  I promise not to make it any worse than it already is … if that is even a possibility.


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